Fake Diabetes Statistics

November 12th, 2010 by rpederse

We read many statistics that are faked or exaggerated. Here, there’s no mystery: I’m telling you I made them up.

73.6 — The number of hours of sleep I lose in a year while putting off loading my pill sorter.

2 — The number of test strips per container that, once used, escape and try to make it to the border.

0 — The number of members of the “diabetes police” sent to the hospital each year by enraged diabetics.

12,873 — The number of members of the “diabetes police” sent to the hospital each year in the imaginations of enraged diabetics.

6.2 — the percentage of health information sites on the Internet that are actually run by people genuinely interested in the health of others.

95 — the percentage of ‘finger wipers’ who think that ‘finger lickers’ are a little bit disgusting.

98 — the percentage of ‘finger lickers’ who think that ‘finger wipers’ are a little overly fussy.

1 — the number of blood tests per lancet encouraged by lancet manufacturers.

17.6 — the average number of blood tests per lancet by anybody that’s been testing for more than a week.

99 — the percentage of diabetics who’ve secretly wished a high blood sugar episode on some officious carb pusher.

15,872 — the number of new diet books published each year.

3 — the number of new diet books published each year that actually help a significant number of people achieve meaningful and lasting weight loss.

9.8 — on a scale of 1 to 10, the amount of fun I’ve had making up these statistics.

Bob Pedersen

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