The Moment of Connection
As many of you know, I am not a deeply social person. I have more than a touch of social anxiety, and find it a little difficult to hang out in groups. This is exacerbated by my characteristic that I call crankiness: I don't like a lot of noise, and I don't like being jostled, and I can unfortunately be quick to reach flash judgments about people over stupid, inconsequential issues.
That all being the case, you might wonder why I don't just found a monastic religion, become its sole member, and move into a cabin in the woods? (Bob, AKA "the Unablogger"!)
Well, I do value my friends, and I really do like being with people that I'm comfortable with. Even for me, there's a limit to the amount of time spent alone that's healthy. And there's something else as well.
As cranky as I am, even the most casual encounter with someone may produce what I call a 'moment of connection'. Maybe it's something they say, maybe it's a reaction to something I've said. Maybe it's just a facial expression or a gesture. It's rarely anything profound. But whatever it is, it establishes that person for me as an individual, a personality. And, in that moment, the crankiness and the stupid judgments disappear. This doesn't mean that I like the person I've encountered, or that I'd want to spend a lot of time with them. But it does mean that I've become aware of their essential humanity.
To me, that moment is sacred.
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October 25th, 2011 - 04:22
Very well put, Bob. I like how you describe the “sacred” sense of making that connection… I’ve found myself moving more in this non-social direction as I have gotten older. While some (OK, maybe a good %) is probably attributed to a combination of hypothyroidism and lack of sleep, it’s weird for me to feel this way as I’ve historically been more social and extroverted than introverted. Weird how times change. Anyhow, I’ve found those moments to be the catalysts for opening up even more and re-developing the spark of social behavior that I once enjoyed so much. Thanks for sharing this food for thought, and as always for being you.
October 27th, 2011 - 00:44
I really enjoy the fact that you are posting more often Bob!
Almost everything that you wrote above describes me as well – even if Simonpalooza laughed when I told them that. I like hanging out with people, but when I am done – I am done. Loud rooms make me anxious.
I found Jess as my friend because I was trying to escape the loudness of the FFL adults group. I asked her if she would be sure to sit by me during dinner. The rest is history. Sometimes it IS all about those little connections.
November 2nd, 2011 - 20:00
Bob, I know you talk about not being a deeply social person often, but I sure didn’t see it in Kansas City. I saw a fun-loving, carefree guy who laughed with others and told hilarious jokes. You had a wonderful way of bringing in the zinger or the punchline at the perfect moment. It was refreshing to meet you, and I hope I am able to spend time with you again somewhere. Thanks for sharing so much with us!