Several statements of possibly dubious veracity:
- Nutritious food that's rotting in the refrigerator is not healthy food.
- While a pattern of emotional eating is dangerous, sometimes the heart needs to be fed, too.
- A meal of iffy nutritional value is much less healthy if it's eaten with guilt.
- A bologna sandwich at home is healthier than General Tso's chicken and eggrolls at a restaurant.
- There's victory in doing the best you can, even when it looks like failure.
The depressive episode I've been dealing with lately has eased some and is now manageable. By 'manageable' I mean that I'm fairly functional again (which wasn't entirely the case for about ten days there), but I have to pay pretty close attention to reduce the danger of mood swings getting out of hand. I can't prevent the mood swings, but I can often moderate their severity.
This morning, in preparation for what I thought was going to be a grocery store trip, I had to throw out a fair amount of food that would have been healthy and nutritious had I eaten it in time. But, I haven't been eating like that. I've lacked the energy for cooking, and the things I'd have cooked with that food haven't really sounded good anyway. I've fallen back into eating out too much, partly out of lack of energy and partly for the sense of treating myself. Clearing out the spoiling food felt lousy, but there was also a sense of facing reality that felt good. You can't move forward from where you wish you were, you can only move forward from where you are.
What have I wanted to eat? What has really sounded good? What has my heart been calling for? Sandwiches. Sandwiches like I was raised on, sandwiches that constitute my clearest food memories from childhood. So, for a while, I'm going to give in and live on sandwiches. (Thank goodness for those 'sandwich thin' thingies to keep these sandwiches from becoming a carb disaster.) And, I'm going to congratulate myself as I eat my sandwiches that I'm eating the food that, for right now, is in fact health food.