T Minus Two Type Two Diabetes and Other Passions

31Jan/132

Generally Speaking

As I have written, I have more than my share of things that I get anxious about. But there's something else that happens, too.

For the past few days, I've been doing a few yoga poses and some quiet breathing in the morning. This morning, I couldn't get into either. I felt restless, scattered, vaguely worried. I just figured that it was a bad day for those activities and let it go.

When I got to work, I was going through my email with the gnawing sensation that I was forgetting about something really important. Later on, the phone rang, and my emotional reaction told me what was happening.

I've never been diagnosed with this, and I may be misusing the term. But I've been told that what I experience is called generalized anxiety.

It's being anxious when there doesn't seem to be anything to be anxious about. Worry without a focus.

For me, it's a general foreboding, a feeling that something really bad is about to happen. The phone rings, I assume it's bad news. The boss wants to see me, I wonder if I'm to be fired. I've been known to not pick up my personal mail for days on end, unable to face the awful news I'm somehow sure it contains.

This is not something I experience very often, necessarily, but it is part of the package for me.

Today was nowhere near as bad as it's sometimes been, and some kind words from friends helped. Tonight I'm feeling that tomorrow will be a better day.

 

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  1. I have that sort of general anxiety about work. If the boss wants to chat, I assume I’m in trouble or I’m fired. If I take off for a few days, I feel like I’ll come back & be in trouble. Mostly it stems from going on vacation from my job at the age of 22 & coming back to a letter telling me I’d been fired. It was like my 3rd real job (you know, not working for a relative). Pretty much sucks, because I know I’m good at my job but I’m plagued by the anxiety & doubts.

  2. Hope that knowledge is power in getting it addressed as needed, Bob. I’m sorry in general (no pun intended, seriously) for the generalized anxiety. But at least it’s not constant, as you said. Don’t know if there’s medication for this? When I was on my depression meds, it helped alleviate that growing anxiety that felt very much like what you describe. It was growing each day, and once I started on the medication that anxiety seemed to go away – I’d think about it, but it wouldn’t paralyze me like it seemed to before. I’m no expert, though. Hope things are OK and this is just a small something in the background. Anyhow, like you mentioned: Here’s to looking forward and focusing on the new days ahead!


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