T Minus Two Type Two Diabetes and Other Passions

28Jun/132

Flashback Friday: Fake Diabetes Statistics

This post from October of 2010 is among my more popular. Enjoy!

We read many statistics that are faked or exaggerated. Here, there's no mystery: I'm telling you I made them up.

73.6 -- The number of hours of sleep I lose in a year while putting off loading my pill sorter.
2 -- The number of test strips per container that, once used, escape and try to make it to the border.
0 -- The number of members of the "diabetes police" sent to the hospital each year by enraged diabetics.
12,873 -- The number of members of the "diabetes police" sent to the hospital each year in the imaginations of enraged diabetics.
6.2 -- the percentage of health information sites on the Internet that are actually run by people genuinely interested in the health of others.
95 -- the percentage of 'finger wipers' who think that 'finger lickers' are a little bit disgusting.
98 -- the percentage of 'finger lickers' who think that 'finger wipers' are a little overly fussy.
1 -- the number of blood tests per lancet encouraged by lancet manufacturers.
17.6 -- the average number of blood tests per lancet by anybody that's been testing for more than a week.
99 -- the percentage of diabetics who've secretly wished a high blood sugar episode on some officious carb pusher.
15,872 -- the number of new diet books published each year.
3 -- the number of new diet books published each year that actually help a significant number of people achieve meaningful and lasting weight loss.
9.8 -- on a scale of 1 to 10, the amount of fun I've had making up these statistics.

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  1. Are you sure those are made up – they seem legit.
    I sure hope I get to meet you in IRL at some point. Your fun factor seems off the chart.


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