T Minus Two Type Two Diabetes and Other Passions


A Small Matter

Years ago, I used to worry a fair amount about the psychology underlying my obesity and other things about myself that I wish I could change. Eventually, however, I decided that this whole approach (as least as self-directed) was fruitless and maybe counterproductive. I chose to focus more on coming up with strategies to help me make desired changes.

That's still pretty much my approach. However, as I've worked in a concentrated way to eat better and move more, I've found that it's necessary to think about "reframing", by which I mean how I think about who I am and the choices I make. Last week, for example, I had discovered that some challenges I'd encountered had me change from thinking myself as someone who was successfully making changes to someone who was slipping and would soon fail. That kind of thinking has all the markings of a self-fulfilling prophecy, and a pernicious one at that.
This morning, while walking to work, I was thinking about the success I'm having, when the word "small" popped into my mind, and I experienced a wrench of something like anxiety. As I worked to figure out what had just happened, I came to understand what I had reacted to. Something inside me is fearful that, since I'm quite short for a man, that losing my excess weight would make me not just a short man but a small man. And that whatever-it-is inside me found that a very uncomfortable prospect.
This seems ridiculous - I'm not aware of any conscious dislike of men that are both short and slender. I can name several that are fine men indeed. But, this reaction is worth paying attention to. Has this been an interior attitude of long standing? Has it maybe been a big part of what kept me so fat all these years? I don't know. It doesn't matter. What DOES matter, now that I know about this, is to watch for it in my own thinking so that I don't sabotage my progress.
After all, great things can come from "small" changes.

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