T Minus Two Type Two Diabetes and Other Passions


Silver Glitter

This post, originally published on February, 2013, is my response for today's prompt for Diabetes Blog Week: "Yesterday we opened up about how diabetes can bring us down. Today let’s share what gets us through a hard day.  Or more specifically, a hard diabetes day.  Is there something positive you tell yourself?  Are there mantras that you fall back on to get you through?  Is there something specific you do when your mood needs a boost?  Maybe we've done that and we can help others do it too?"

Before lunch today I found myself in an extremely grumpy mood, even for me. I felt very put upon and angry, even though nothing in particular had happened to leave me more than a little annoyed. i knew that I was not likely to get much done or have any enjoyment out of the day if I stayed in that mental state.

So, while at lunch, I decided to make a list of everything i could think of in my life that made me angry or annoyed. A few of my items would frustrate most people, and several more dealt with disappointment with myself. Most of the items, I think, were either inconsequential or really had nothing to do with me at all.

Having made my list, I decided to experiment with a little visualization. I've never had much luck doing visualizations, but I thought the situation merited making the attempt. What follows is not a daydream or a delusion, but a recreation of what I told myself to imagine, as if I was listening to a relaxation tape, except that I was making it up as I went.

I am alone in a room, one wall of which is covered with an enormous piece of newsprint paper covered with the list that I had made. I am tearing the paper off the wall and gathering this whole huge piece of paper into a big wad in my arms.

I can smell the newsprint and the felt tip Ink on the paper. I can feel the ball of paper pressing a little bit against my chest as I work with my hands and arms to compact the ball. i can feel the paper with my hands, and that I can hear the rustling of paper as i work to compress the ball of paper.

As i work, I feel my ball grow smaller and the paper itself grow thinner, so what I had at the end of my gathering is grapefruit sized ball of blue tissue paper. With my ball in my hands, I gently breathe a puff of positive energy into it, and I see it burst into a cool blue flame. Though i can feel the warmth of the fire it does not burn me, and I soon hold only.ashes. I blow again, harder this time, and i see the ashes fly into the air and turn into a cloud of silver glitter, which shimmers for a moment before disappearing.

When I reopened my eyes, I felt unburdened and nearly at peace. I won't say that I skipped joyfully back to my desk, but I did succeed it turning around a mood that had become toxic, and I had a productive afternoon. My exercise strike you as weird and New Age-y, and it feels like that to me, but it worked.

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